


Valles Marineris

by rebelbigfeet



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Introspection, M/M, Mars, Slow Build, space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-23 23:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelbigfeet/pseuds/rebelbigfeet
Summary: He collapses on the eighth of July. He collapses on the eighth of July and he knew it was bound to happen. Yet it still felt like he crashed into the summer heat, the winter's frigidity and the thousands of stars, all at once.Or,Keith learns that living alone in the desert had killed him slowly and that material things could not fix him.





	1. dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [Lions and Pilots and Bots' chronology](https://lionsandpilotsandbots.com/2018/06/02/time-and-time-again-another-voltron-legendary-defender-chronology/).

[(the sky is the color of bruises and cuts, oozing and bleeding all over the sun)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6IHTqgGOg4)  
Willow Smith, Romance

**Sandhills, Nebraska: 2317**

His eyes kept running from right to left, from top to bottom, and, no matter how his sight felt blurry, no matter how his legs were getting restless, no matter how his back twisted forward – closer and closer to the screen – he would keep searching.

And as he once again rewound the footage – and his eyes caught something he hadn’t before, some unnoticed footsteps at the very left – he thought, _This is it_ , he made a slight pause in his mind, _Why the fuck would there be footsteps, huh? You’re not supposed to have walked on it yet you filthy bastards._ And as the heaviness on his shoulder flew away, the next feeling wasn’t that more weightless. Was it really it? Did some light footsteps on a red planet from a video of 2314 really dissipated all of his problems? Or did they just push them away? But as the darkness of his room was growing and the quietness of the outside was enhancing – if it could – he decided this wasn’t tonight’s matter. He hadn’t waited years for some deep thoughts to cut him off.

And, as if God himself reminded him of the very reason he was here, a bip next to Keith made his way through his ear. _Shit_ , he thought, _this is not the moment._ But if he didn’t lie to himself, every moment was important for the very small machine next to him. He took this last one in his hand and looked what direction it was aiming. In the years Keith had had it, it never made that sound; in the years he travelled because of it, he had never been closer. What was it pointing at? Oh this he didn’t know. But it was pointing at something. And between nothing and something, however vague it was, however dangerous it could be, Keith would take something.

As he rose from his seat – which vaguely looked like a malnourished corpse rising from his grave – he took his jacket and passed his hand through his hair, _Shit I look awful_ , he thought. Lucky for him, his next social interaction wasn’t meant to happen so soon.

His state of doziness didn’t last much longer and he fasten as he walked around his room, picking up things he could need time to time while walking toward his destination – water, lamp, map and _oh_ , this was a familiar feeling. Maybe a little too familiar. A sudden presentiment, like whether or not he continued doing what he was doing, something bad was bound to happen.

He knew that feeling. He knew it a little too much maybe. That day he walked home from school. That day he realized that something wasn’t in its place, that something just seemed to miss from his world. That day 12-year-old Keith realized he would be alone for the rest of his life, that the only people he loved were missing. He had run a lot that day – he had run away from his house, from that feeling – a lot, a lot more than a 12-year-old should. That day when he came back from school and no one had been waiting for him, no one had made his bed, no one— _shut up!_ , Keith shouted at himself, hoping this would stop the pain, the anger, the fear of that day. But it didn’t. It only made him remember that today weren’t the day to think about it. Whatever presentiment it was, he would repress it, just like every other bad feeling he ever felt, he was certain he was good at it at this point, he was certain that if he pushed it enough it would just disappear.

He walked to the door, leaving all bad feelings in the dark of his so-called home and stepped into the coldness of what a night in July in Nebraska could be. The machine in his hand seemed about to explode, and Keith briefly thought it wouldn’t be that tragic.

Even if no parts of Keith’s body could ever betray his excitement, he knew that as his feet stepped on that sand whose coldness never goes up at night – whether it was July or December – he expected something from today. He continued walking, feeling his feet slightly press into the sand, feeling the coolness of the night on his cheek. He continued walking as he was once again impressed, three years later, of the immensity of the desert, the sweet sound you could only perceive once you had learned to tame the wildness.

But it suddenly felt very lonely and he wondered how much longer he could resist it, he wondered what he’d do if what he was aiming for was inexistent, or if it were too big for him. Would he come back to Texas? _What for_ , he thought. But again, if he was going that way, what was he doing _that_ for, huh? Why was he so eager to discover something that probably didn’t exist? He really wanted to sit down and let himself here to die, in the middle of the desert. But he knew he couldn’t, not after doing all of that. _That’s a lie_ , he thought, _a really bad lie_. He knew himself enough to know that if the desire of doing nothing overpassed the desire of going where that stupid machine was aiming for, he would do it – didn’t matter how much time it had taken to come here, how much effort he had brought for coming here – he would do it.

He probably had a few more hours to himself, but compared to the years he spent all alone, this felt like a drop of water in an endless sea. No, that’s not true. One day, a few more hours alone will drive him crazy, he knew that. He knew that even if being alone had become a habit for more than three years now, there were things no human could handle. He knew that one day he’ll need to hear another voice than his own, otherwise he’ll lose his mind. But he also knew that this day wasn’t now, that he could last a few more hours at least.

Far away, he started to see something, but it didn’t trigger any feeling in him. _Mirages_ , he knew those too well, after all those years. He had learned the hard way not to rush into the illusion of water that the heat would sometimes make. He knew it was a lie, just like those cities he occasionally saw through the horizon. He had studied science enough to know nature could do crazy things and that a hopeless mind was more than perceptive to it.

But he didn’t lose hope and travelled toward it some time, enough to begin to be certain of it. And he finally reached what seemed to be a bunch of trees and a small lake, the little forest seemed to expend itself behind but it was unlikely and Keith simply thought his mind was playing with him.

He entered the forest as if it was the backdoor of somebody’s else house, trying to be quiet as the small machine in his hand buzzed faster and faster. Something was near, he could feel it— _crack_. He just heard a noise, similar to something pressing on a branch. His mind went faster than what a regular and sane brain would and he thought, _An animal?_ , he hadn’t eaten meat for months now, only plants and other stuff like that. If it were a rabbit, Keith could handle it but— _What if it was bigger?_ , he cut himself. Yeah, what if it was a boar? He had a knife, but those weren’t as efficient for boar than for small animals. He needed to think fast. This was no problem, Keith’s temper was made that way, if the situation called for it, he would be the quickest to react. But this wasn’t all just good, if the situation weren’t the case of urgency, all efficiency would fly away and one would wonder if it even existed. To deal with that, Keith just avoided any human interactions. Anything that was asking him to think on the moment, he was avoiding it like the plague.

And as we were talking, Keith had already taken his knife, made his way through the trees and – more on his guard than ever – had come closer to where the sound had come from, moving forward like his inside weren’t made of humanity but of rage and ferocity, like a wolf hunting for his prey.

He hid between two bushes, scratching all the way from his shoulders to his legs; he should’ve covered himself more, but that thought didn’t even cross his mind, and from outside, you would think the bush was made of silk. His mind seemed distant from his body, but if you looked inside, you’d know it was all but that, all his senses were on, but could you blame him? After years of no meat, of not seeing anything alive except his poor face in the mirror, filled with constant depression, you’d too be more than appealed by the very idea of even catching the sight of a living being. 

And he— _Ah!_ , he shouted to himself, face twisting into astonishment. Orange coat, gold stripes, black pants, he knew those too well. This was a garrison student, standing just in front of him, three meters away. It was a real boy, made of flesh and bones, and – even if the thought of cannibalism slipped through Keith’s mind – he thought very politely this one thought: _What the hell?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one of the first times I write something so obviously if there are mistakes tell me but I'd be more interested in opinions on the actual content, like if it was clear and detailed enough so you know what's happening or if there's too much/not enough description, etc. comments and kudos are very appreciated!


	2. beyond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter to settle the story. Happens before last one (see dates at the beginning).

**Garrison, Nebraska: 2312–2314**

Garrison was in fact a nice place. The structure, covering a large area, was sinking down an endless desert and it always seemed new, whatever year it was. And whether it was intentional or not, being surrounded by sand was a way of keeping students concentrated and focused on their work. Remain to see if it worked on every student; places to have fun and de-stress were not always a sign of non-productivity. But the brave ones that engaged in the Garrison all knew what path they were taking. They knew excess of emotions were not meant to happen and would be severely punished.

Well, not _all_ , apparently. Keith Kogane, by very example, didn’t. He was hotheaded, didn’t know where to draw the line and all of his decisions were pretty much made in the heat of the moment. He was the very example of what a good Garrison student should not be.

But when you’d been alone for too long, one would realise it was more and more difficult to know what people expected from you. Keith was one of them. When he first heard about the Garrison, he was still in middle school, just after his parents died. At that time not only was he confused about his parents missing but he was also looking for any ways to get out of here; the further, the better.

So when he heard there was a university whose only goal – once you got there – was to fly the further away you could, he didn’t think it twice, he didn’t ask himself if going out of the atmosphere were maybe a bit too much. Like any boy his age, he hurried right into what seemed the best decision, and didn’t look back.

But the thing is: boys his age were being expected to think that way but were immediately corrected and helped to learn to think through their decisions and to look back at what it might cause later and what bad it could do.

Keith didn’t learn that way; this state of mind stayed glued to him and as time passed, the glue only dried and let alone a childish Keith.

Yes, really, Garrison was a nice place. But Keith didn’t belong in it.

So why did they accept him? Well, the answer would be rather obvious to anyone that’d see Keith in action. His mind seemed designed to fit a spaceship, and so did his body. His bad habit of making decisions without thinking beforehand was actually a really useful thing when in a battlefield.

And for nearly two years, Keith managed to keep a balance between himself and what people wanted him to be. Yes, the classes were boring and all of the social interactions were making sick. But firstly, he didn’t go to most of them and secondly, the time where he flew – virtually or not – were like heaven; feeling his body relaxing to the images flying around him was a feeling he thought he’d never be tired of.

And above all of that, there was _Shiro_. Shiro was like a mouthful of air for a choking man. And if Keith had no clue of what relationships looked like, it was probably the closest to family he’d ever felt.

Shiro was a junior officer when Keith entered Garrison. He was 24 and the closest of what a healthy man looked like. He had always been behind Keith; he had always covered up for him if, by misfortune, he was got caught training in the middle of the night, or if he had one or two fights with some kids.

He covered up for him because he saw in Keith what no one else had. Because he didn’t see an angry teenager needy of attention but instead a sensitive kid whose nobody told how to love and care, how to express his emotion by kind words and not harsh actions. And if no one did, he was the one who would do it. That’s what he told himself. To be honest, Shiro was the one to stabilise the thin line between Keith and the Garrison. He was the only reason he was still here.

That’s why when he disappeared, Keith’s world fell apart. He felt like Shiro took a part of him in the meanwhile; he felt like the world was testing his limits, like he was abandoned all over again. It was _chaos_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shiro: hi im shiro my hair is black—
> 
> keith: just like my soul

**Author's Note:**

> [instagram is shit yet here is mine](https://www.instagram.com/rebelbigfeet/) (some art for the fic can be found here)


End file.
